I don't know what to fucking expect. Something bad I guess. It can't be good. It's less possible. I'm excited and terrified at the same time. Excited because it's gonna be an extraodinary trip, and terrified because we will mess things up. Again. I can see it after four days, it's a sure thing. And again, I'm going to be the only one who is hurt. Because I know, even when you deny it and when you say you love me and you mean it, I feel that you do hate me indeed. And I hate you for hating me. Within the first chance, you will find a way of making me feel like shit. Fucking for granted. And I'm afraid to change that "for granted" for I will be alone. You will leave. Duh, I don't even know if all these are true. Maybe my thoughts are wrong because I'm confused and I don't know what to believe, you don't give me a sign anyway, and I lose myself you know. I can't control it anymore. What the fuck goes wrong. I just want peace. A peaceful moment on the beach, where sun makes me blind, with you lying next to me and with the feeling that everything ended and everything from now on gonna be okay. I just want things to go back to how they used to be.
Anyway, that last thing doesn't bother me as much as I thought it would. Not right now I guess. I just want these four days to not suck, to not be what I'm afraid of. Otherwise, I don't know what the fuck I will do.
Guess I'll find out in four days. Hope I'll see ya.